Wednesday, July 25, 2012

do me a favor?

What did you do today?

Was it important?

I know what I've done today. I have layed in bed all day reading books, listening to music, watching mindless television shows, trying to ignore the outside world.

Have you ever seen Gilmore Girls? There is an episode that highlights Luke's absence for a day--- what does he do, where does he go, and more importantly why? Luke has a dark day every year; it's the day his father died, and he just has to mourn in his own way.

Today, and every July 25th since 2009 has been my dark day. That's the day I lost my mom.

I can remember exactly what I was doing. I was swimming with Krystal and planning an impromptu baby shower gathering for a neighbor. We were all around the pool, except for Michael who had gone to the grocery store to get stuff to grill for dinner.

I had been getting cryptic phone calls from my dad all day. He had taken mom to the hospital, she was in ICU and no, he said you can't come home. You've got two weeks to graduation. She'll be fine.

And then, about 4 pm things changed. Perhaps you should come home. Can you get a flight?

The last flight had just left. Michael rushed home from the store (maybe Krystal called him) and made me throw things into a bag. Krystal took Annie and Michael drove me the 7 hours to my mom. The entire time I alternated crying with
mindless watching of Grey's Anatomy episodes. For 6 hours we drove that way, with periodic calls from my dad.

I'd like to say that I made it in time to be with her and hold her hand and tell her that it was okay to go and that I loved her, but that'd be lying. We were in Ft. Worth my dad called to tell me.
When we got to the hospital, they were waiting outside for me. I got to see her, but she wasn't there any more.

The next few hours are a blur. We had to make arrangements, and things.

Michael and I stayed at my aunt's house that night, and he got up early to return to Lubbock. He had a test on Monday, the next day.

I won't bore you with other details except she was cremated and a week later we threw a party in her honor. A ton of people showed up to honor my mother and support my dad, sister, and I. To each of those people, I am forever grateful for your support.

3 years have passed and I still miss my mom immensely ever day. It's gotten a bit easier to manage, but the pain is still there.

So much has happened in 3 years... graduations (including my own a mear 2 weeks after she passed), graduate school, jobs, engagements, weddings, and now an upcoming baby.

Don't worry Mommy, I'll make sure Lorelei knows who you are, and how amazing you were.

Oh, and Dad was mad at you the other day when Abigail and I took him through Babies R Us. He wished you were following us around with the credit card instead of him. (Although we know he loved every minute of it, including that ice cream bar at the end)

-- Jessica G.

Do me a favor, and call your parents today and tell thenyou love them. You don't want your conversation to be a memorable "you really ought to learn spanish fight" that ended with a hang up, instead of an I love you... just sayin.

No comments:

Post a Comment