Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Waiting (but not the movie)

I hate waiting. I have zero patience, and when forced to wait, I have anxiety attacks like its nobody's business. And I know I've written a lot about anxiety attacks lately, but they always say you should write about what you know. And other than the 7-8 books I've read in the last month, my online gaming, the professional development that I've been doing via pinterest, my online radio station, and stalking other people via facebook, twitter, and personal blogs, I haven't had a very knowledgeable summer.

But I do know that I have spent a lot of time waiting this summer.

I've waited for emails, phone calls, interviews, and the seemingly inevitable rejection.

Rejection comes in all forms: in person, by phone, email, and personal letter. My two favorite forms are phone and especially email. They happen all of the time.

Email is especially brutal, because I can constantly check it. And I do. I have email sent to my phone--one morning last week, I woke up to 3 rejection emails telling me thank you for my application but thanks but no thanks. I've started emailing principals from various schools and districts basically begging for jobs. Most of the time, I never hear back.

I did hear back, from a principal in Waxahachie. He sent an email that contained just 5 words. 5 words. position has been filled. thanks.

There wasn't even upper case letters; it was a grammatical nightmare showing how relient we've become on technology. But at least he had the decency to email me back. Because most never do.

I interviewed with CISD for a 3rd grade teaching position. This wasn't a position that I applied for, I just happened to get a wonderful, glowing recommendation from my best friend to her son's teacher from the previous year. Expect a phone call she said to set up the interview. It came less than 24 hours, on a Sunday evening. I wasn't expecting it.

The interview came and went, with the hiring director asking me why I hadn't been hired somewhere. With the teachers on the committee declaring how they were impressed that I already had such and such certification. That I had wonderful experience. We talked for 45 minutes.

As I walked out of the interview, the hiring director walked me to my car, discussing my future: would we seriously relocate? why did I think I hadn't been hired? Telling me that I had a great interview, by displaying knowledge and confidence, something so rarely seen in teaching interviews. Expect a call most likely before Monday, she said. I'll let you know either way.

It was a good interview in my head, but deep down inside, especially as time went on, I knew that I did not get the job. By Monday afternoon, when I was still waiting for a call to confirm the inevitable, I had a breakdown. Because you know, waiting is HARD.

She did call, late Monday evening, after the board meeting to confirm new employees had already started. She confirmed what I knew, that the committee had picked someone else. She actually seemed upset, and she asked for my permission to give my name and cell phone number to other districts. Of course I said yes.

I guess in the mean time, I wait for the phone to ring (sometimes, I'll even check it to make sure it still works-true story... I've done this). With my xanax and most likely a bottle of wine.

Until the phone rings or the emails pop up in my inbox...

-Jessica G.

PS Oh and Annie is completely bow-legged. She's got a better turn out than Natalie Portman's character in Black Swan.

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