Monday, August 12, 2013

Some things.

I applied for graduate school.



I don't think I'll get in, but it's worth the shot and the sixty dollars that the application fee cost me.

Decisions about my future cost $60. It's like I had to pay for the paper, ink, and postage  internet usage that it'll take for them to tell me no. Perhaps, the $60 is the cost of a new keyboard for the evil person that sits behind a desk in the admission office, laughing, sending out rejection emails.

Do they actually send out rejection emails? Do they still send out letters? When I applied for my undergraduate, Tech sent me letter AND a certificate. I wonder, if by some miracle I get in, if they'll do that again.

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After three to four weeks of intermittently being sick to my stomach (I'm not pregnant for all of you who went there... I have a blood test and a urine test to prove it...), I think I have figured out the cause. 

Me.

Well, my food choices to be exact. 

During last school year, I did good. I ate lunches that were high in protein and drank a ton of water. It was a usual sight to see me with some combination that included grilled chicken, tuna fish, greek yogurt, fruit, hard boiled eggs, cheese sticks, spinach, etc. I even worked out 4-5 days a week.  I tried to be GOOD, and it paid off. I lost around 16lbs.

More importantly, I felt good. I had energy and I could actually run jog and be active. And I slept good at night.

Now.  Not so much.

I am ashamed. It took me a while to step back and think about all the damage that I have caused to my body during the last 2 and a half months.

I've slept late.
I haven't exercised.
And I've eaten like crap.

And I am paying for it.

No, I didn't gain back all of my weight, but I am ashamed to show pictures. And while, I am a pants size smaller than I was last year at this time (16/18 now vs. 18/20), I'm not doing anything to further my progress. In fact, I am hindering myself. I may not be sitting and eating all day, but the food choices I make are not good.

I fill my days with sweet tea, lemonade, and chocolate milk (still drinking a ton of water too!). I indulge in m&m candies, Little Debbie Frosted fudge cakes, and blue bell ice cream. I stray away from meals high in protein with complex carbs; instead I munch my way through breakfast, lunch, and dinner with sugary kids cereals, white breads, chips, pasta and white rice drenched in butter, potatoes in any form--French fries have become a go to snack rather than fruit. Bacon has become a good friend.

Its not good. 

I can feel it not being good. I've become sluggish and tired all day. My heartburn is back and in full force. It is not okay!

I need to get back on the fitness train. I have a 5k to run in November. I want to be lighter and smaller once I do get pregnant. I want to have a longer life, rather than a shorter one.

I am hopeful that once I get back into the routine of school, I will be better. It's a routine... not lounging around all day long. Maybe I will be inspired by my co-workers once again.

I am going to turn this around. 

Just wait and see.

-Jessica G. 

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