Sunday, April 12, 2015

What I do know

I'm feeling very uncertain these days, plagued by anxiety, state assessments, and self-imposed censorship.

I haven't written an actual post in a good while because I keep censoring myself. I think of topics that I would love to write about. The whole post usually comes to me when I am in the shower or driving somewhere and I can't stop to write it down. I've tried using voice recorders and note taking apps on my phone but those fail. And so does sitting down with a fresh post page open and the cursor blinking. I stare and stare at the page, hands poised over the keyboard. Nothing. It's partly because by the time I sit down to write I've spent the entire day with children and I'm exhausted. It's also partly because I start to worry about the people who might read this and be offended. So I don't write. 

My anxiety has flared up lately, causing me to resort to taking my break glass in case of emergency Xanax and contemplating finding a primary care physician to be able to refill the rescue meds and get back on maintence meds for this issue. 

State testing for my precious third graders is in a week. Pray for them and for all students taking these exams. We are all stressed and worried. 

That's all I've got for now. Hopefully I'll get over my censorship and write something real, soon. 

Until then. 

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