Wednesday, July 22, 2015


If you've read anything I've ever posted on this blog or have met me in person, you likely know that I have fertility problems. I've had 4 laparoscopic procedures, adhesions, endometriosis, and countless cysts. After a while this begins to cause problems with your fertility.

Last time I saw Dr. Putman was at my Post-Op appointment following my December 16th surgery. He told us that I have about a 5% chance of conceiving naturally and when I was ready to proceed to the next steps to come back and see him.

What a bummer!

I struggle a lot with that reality, because I feel as if it is my fault. Would this have happened if I would've been better at taking my birth control pills as a teenager (prescribed for cramps and bleeding issues) instead of trashing them? Some of you are probably gaping your mouths wide open at the fact that I would hide them, trash them, do whatever I needed to do to not take them. Fact of the matter is that hormonal pills have always made me sick. I react to the hormones and become physically ill and do not feel good. I hate it. So save for a few sporadic times in history, including a brief but awkward stint with the Nuva Ring and the off label administration that turned things blue, I stay away from birth control pills. I just do.

All of this is to say that I am being mocked by my college's alumni association. They have a legacy program.  You can enroll your child(ren) or grandchild(ren) and as long as you stay an active member of the alumni association, said child(ren) will receive several age appropriate gifts throughout their childhood until they reach 18. It sounds like an amazing program, and I can't wait to be able to participate in this program.

But until I can, does this mean that I need to receive thrice weekly emails encouraging me to enroll my legacy? I get it--I am a young alumni member who is in prime baby making stages, but it seems to me that maybe they would have some tact. Or at least reduce the amount of emails they send about the program. Because it hurts.

There is nothing more I would love to do than be able to enroll my legacy to Texas Tech. But the emails hurt. And are a reminder of a constant failure, of pain and agony, of a future I didn't plan.

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